Stories From

 PARADOX THEATRE

  THE NUMBERLAND TALES  

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BOOK FIVE

THE FOUR WISHES

In Which Danny Learns The Four Times Table.

   

SYNOPSIS

 

 Danny has discovered a way into Numberland: A strange land where he has adventures and learns a lot about life, and learns multiplication tables too.  

Numberland lies beyond the wall at the bottom of his grandfather’s garden, and although he has been away for some time, he will not be missed because only a very short time will elapse while he is away.  

As this story begins, Danny has had a narrow escape from a race of three legged creatures called Blarts. In order to escape he ran in the opposite direction to home, and is now completely lost. If you want to know more about his adventures with the Blarts, you'll have to read the book which is called "Blarts and Bogies."

 

THE FOURTH WISH

 

In the distance Danny could see four horsemen making their way along the winding dusty road towards him.  The gnarled tree against which he was leaning marked the edge of the forest behind him, and in front a mountain rose up to the sky.  

As the men reached him he saw that they were knights, carrying swords at their sides. They appeared to have been traveling for some time: Shields and Armour were tarnished; boots muddy, and their horses looked tired and bedraggled.  

"Tarriest thou beside this highway for want of purpose? Prithee young sire, speak for thou art in the presence of fine company." The knight who spoke in this strange manner was very tall and had the biggest and silliest moustache you could ever imagine.  

"He means what are you doing here." Said the second knight. "We're on a quest.  I am Sir Cuthbert The Bold, skilled of sword and lance. Our leader is Sir Eloquent, The Fair of Speech, whose moustache knows no equal."  

"Oh." Danny felt overwhelmed by these strange old-fashioned knights. "I'm Danny. I'm lost, and I want to go home."  

"Why do you want a bone, you haven't got a dog?" The third knight looked extremely old and had the most enormous ears, from which sprouted huge tufts of gray hair.  

"Oh do listen Hector, he said home, not bone. You really should wash your ears out."  Sir Cuthbert turned to Danny again. You'll have to excuse Hector. Fine fellow, but he's getting on a bit, and he's as deaf as a post."  

"Ghost! Where? I'll run my sword through him."  

Danny started to laugh.  

"No laughing matter you know. Can't have ghosts rampaging about the place."  

The fourth Knight was busy writing in a large book. "Sir Hugo, The Accountant." Announced Cuthbert. Hugo merely nodded at Danny and carried on writing.  

The knights looked so silly but Danny tried not to laugh again: He was lost in a strange land, they had swords, and he had learned that even the friendliest of companions could get nasty if you are rude to them.  

"I am most honored to have come into your esteemed presence." He said. He wasn't sure if that was quite right, but it sounded fairly grand, and the knights seemed pleased.  

"Well, Said Sir Cuthbert. "A squire might be useful on our noble adventure. I propose that you join us."  

Although Danny wasn't sure that this was a particularly good idea, it was better than staying where he was, so he agreed.  

"Welcome to the company of the brave and the bold." Said Cuthbert helping Danny up in front of him onto his horse.                                                       

"Hast though concluded Sir Cuthbert thy soliloquy? We have tarried here overmuch and ere more time should elapse we are impelled to set forth on our long and dangerous mission and it would be as well to avail ourselves of the hospitality of whatever hostellery we may encounter in yonder hamlet ere long."  

"He means it's time we got going." Cuthbert whispered in Danny's ear.                            

"Where are we going, and what's a quest?" Asked Danny as they set off.  

"A quest young fellow is an adventure in search of something. In this particular case we are seeking the fourth wish."  

"The fourth fish?" Hector was trotting alongside.                                           

"The fourth wish I said. Have you forgotten Hector? Think back. We rescued that fairy princess from the Trembling Tower of Throckingham and she granted us three wishes. But as there were four of us that wasn't enough to go round so we agreed to wait until we had another, so we'd have one each."  

"Oh yes. Another wish. I remember now."  

Cuthbert turned to Danny again. We went to a lot of trouble to save that princess. Had to fight all manner of goblins and wicked creatures who had imprisoned her. She was very glad to be freed, but only gave us three wishes. We asked for another, but she said wishes always come in three's and that was that. Well we couldn't agree what to wish for. It caused all sorts of problems: I wanted silver ornaments, Sir Eloquence wanted jewels, Hugo, being an accountant wanted money, and Hector wanted gold and some chocolates."  

"Now do you see the mountain yonder? We have learned that under it lives a dragon who has captured King Snailbone's only daughter, Princess Eleanora. We are going to rescue her so that she can grant another wish, and hopefully we'll get a reward from the king as well."  

Danny was wondering if joining these knights had been such a good idea, but it was too late to do anything about it.  

"I propose this hostelry would be an appropriate establishment for the consumption of comestibles." As Sir Eloquence spoke his moustache waggled, which made him look even sillier.

"He means we're stopping for lunch at this pub."  Said Cuthbert.  

The day was warm and sunny, and Danny and his companions were soon seated around a table outside The Red Dragon, whilst the innkeeper scurried about bringing tankards of foaming ale and plates of sandwiches. Danny decided against trying the beer and had a glass of lemonade. The knights seemed very thirsty, and were already on their third pint of ale before Danny had drunk even half of his lemonade.  Sir Eloquence looked funny with beer froth making his moustache even droopier.  

 Sir Hugo suddenly stopped writing and spoke to Danny.  

"I am, as you know, the accountant.  I make a note in my book of everything we buy for use in our adventure.

We have come from a distant land, and when we return, our king, King Frothwhistle will expect us to have acquired a hoard of treasure. He will take half of it in taxes, and we keep the rest. But questing is expensive, so whatever we spend is taken out before the king takes his share. It's called tax-deductible expenses. So it's very important that I record everything. Take yesterday for instance. We stayed at a tavern, and bed and breakfast cost two guineas each. Well, there being four of us, I multiply two by four which is eight, so I put eight guineas down on expenses." Hugo glanced at the others.  

"More beer anyone? They all nodded, and four more foaming pint's arrived. "So you see Danny, we all had four pints of beer at a shilling each, and so as four four's is sixteen, that's sixteen shillings, and they all had three sandwiches, and three four's being twelve, I put that in too. Oh mustn’t forget you had lemonade and a sandwich so I add that on as well."  

They soon finished their beer and Sir Eloquence made one of his speeches. "We have tarried over long over this most agreeable repast but are now impelled to proceed to yonder hamlet to garner such viands as we need to further our noble endeavor."  

"We're going to town to do some shopping," explained Cuthbert.  

Poor Hector was rather unsteady after all that beer and had to keep going to the loo, but the other three were in fine mood as they reached the small town of Sheepwash.  

There were several small shops in the town, and the knights were soon buying provisions while Hugo wrote in his book, saying everything out loud as he did so:  

"Six eggs times four is twenty four, ten apples times four is forty, five cheeses times four is twenty. I hope you lot will eat that much cheese you know how stinky it gets when you keep it too long."                     

Danny hadn't realised before how useful tables could be. He found it difficult all out of order, but he did his best to remember them.  

"Nine loaves times four is thirty six, seven toilet rolls times four is twenty eight. Do you think we'll need that much? I suppose you never know. And eight oranges times four is thirty two."  

By the time they had finished, the horses were laden down with enough supplies to last for weeks, and Danny was beginning to wonder how long this quest would take, as he really wanted to get home.  

" We have procured our provisions so I advocate the commencement of our quest." Sir Eloquence's moustache wagged, and with that the party set off towards the mountain.  

At the edge of the town was a workshop above which was a sign, which read  

    KETHYN'S KNIGHT VALETING SERVICE. ONE SHILLING PER ITEM.                     

"Oh I say," said Hector. "Shall we get our swords sharpened and polished, we really should if we're going to fight a dragon." The others agreed, and they entered the yard.  

A grubby looking man with his back to them was bending over a pile of rusty Armour. He wore a short shirt, and his trousers had slipped down so that he had to keep pulling them up over his huge belly.

"What can I be doing for you then? He asked.  

"We'd like our swords sharpened and polished." Replied Cuthbert.  

"Four swords, that'll be four shillings. What about shields."  

"Yes, we should get them polished too." Said Hugo.  

"That's two items each then, that'll be eight shillings."  

"We could get our helmets polished as well." Suggested Hector.

"Three items, times four is twelve shillings."  

"Boots which bear their burden over rock and stone without complaint should be given their due respect." It was Sir Eloquence of course, his moustache trembling with excitement.  

"Boots polished. That's five items each. Five four's is twenty."  

"Surely a pair of boots is one item? Four times four is sixteen." Hugo protested.  

"A pair is two, five items altogether, five fours is twenty. Tell you what, I'll count a pair of spurs as one item as they're quite small." The knights nodded. "So that's six items each. Six four's is twenty four."  

Danny was amazed at how clever Kethyn was at doing multiplication. He was cleverer than the knights who seemed to agree to just about anything he said.  

"What about our breastplates?" Asked Cuthbert. "We really should have shiny breastplates if we're going dragon hunting."  

"So that's seven items each. Seven four's is twenty eight shillings. What about the daggers, should have them sharpened too you know." Everyone agreed. "Eight items.  Eight times four is thirty two. Anything else?"  

"I could do with some fresh underpants, I've had these on for six month's at least." Said Hector.  

"Sorry mate. Don't do underpants, you'll 'ave to make do a bit longer. Now, anything else, how about the saddles?"  

"It's all on expenses, so we don’t mind what we spend really, it just means the king gets less tax." Hugo explained to Danny as he wrote in his book. The knights had just agreed to the additional expense of having their saddles cleaned and polished.                                                    

"So the saddles makes it nine items each. Nine four's thirty six. Tell you what I could do a nice shampoo and blow dry on the 'orses, make 'em nice and smart. That would be one more item each. Make it a nice round forty. Ten four's being forty like."  

The knights of course agreed and piled everything up for Kethyn to polish.

"Tell you what. These 'orses shoes is gettin' a bit worn. Be as well to 'ave 'em done while you're at it. Four shoes on four 'orses, four four's is sixteen, plus forty is fifty six. Tell you what I'll do the whole job for fifty shillings. Come back in an hour."  

Before long the party was on it's way up the mountain. The knights were in high spirits, waving their swords in the air, and boasting about how they would slay the dragon and carry away the princess.                                

But the way became steep and slippery, and the knights had to dismount and walk, and were soon tired and grumpy. The talk became less of brave deeds, and more of complaints about sore feet and aching legs. At one point a dog wandered across the path and they ran away mistaking it for a wolf. Danny gave it a biscuit, and it wagged its tail and would have joined them, but Sir Eloquence wouldn't hear of it. Hector had even been frightened by a mouse, and Cuthbert had twisted his ankle and was now limping badly. So it was a sorry band of adventurers that finally reached the entrance to the dragon's cave. And having arrived there, none of them seemed in any hurry to go in. Sir Eloquent finally spoke:                                             

" I deem that it would be appropriate for one of our number to enter the passageway unobserved and report back to the leadership so that we may establish the layout of the lair."  

"Yes, someone should go in first to take a look around." Said Cuthbert. "I regret that I cannot undertake this mission due to my sprained ankle." He turned to Hugo.  

"Alas I am behind with the books and need to catch up on my accounts.  What about you Hector?"  

"Need the loo again." Said Hector as he made for some nearby bushes.  

"Oh give me a sword and I'll go." Said Danny.  The knights were astonished by his bravery.  

"Thou art indeed a most worthy member of this company." Said Sir Eloquence as he handed Danny his Dagger that was big enough for Danny to use as a sword.  

"Esteemed companions I shall report back in due course." Said Danny as he bowed then strode into the tunnel.  

Of course Danny wasn't being brave at all. He'd simply realised that the knights were no more than a bunch of fools who had made up all those stories about princesses and wishes. He'd decided that the best thing to do was show them that the cave was empty, then he could start to think about how he was going to get home.  

"Fancy believing there's a dragon in here, it's just an empty cave." He was saying to himself as he walked along the passage..." I should have realised from the start that those four were completely barmy..."  

Danny rounded a corner and there, fast asleep on top of a huge pile of gold and jewels, lay a rather large dragon covered with shiny red and gold scales.  

Danny turned to run.  

"Stay right there or I'll roast you." Came a voice as sharp as a razor that froze Danny in his tracks. "Now who are you and what are you doing creeping around in my lair? I am Claude. My talons are extremely sharp and clawed is what you'll be in a minute. Turn round and answer me boy."  

Danny was terrified. Slowly he turned round to face the dragon who had only been pretending to be asleep. His claws were huge, and the one eye he could see blazed with fury.

"Well. I'm waiting. What are you doing here? Come to steal my treasure have you?" His forked tongue flickered, and wisps of blue flame flickered from his nostrils.  

"No I don't want treasure, I don't want to be here at all, and I just want to go home."  

"Well if you want to go home, wherever that is, what are you doing in my lair?  Speak up before I roast you."  

Danny had to tell Claude The Dragon all about the quest and the silly knights waiting outside, and their mission to rescue the princess.                 

"So it's The Princess they want is it?"  A slow smile spread across the dragon's lips showing rows of sharp white teeth. 

They had the nerve to send you in here with that, that toothpick..." he looked contemptuously at Danny's sword, “to rescue a princess from me, did they?"  

"Well actually I volunteered, you see..."  

"Then you're even more stupid than I thought." A tongue of flame darted from Claude's nostrils."  I've a good mind to hang you from the roof by your feet and roast you slowly right now. But I'll have a bit of fun first. How about a little riddle contest? Then maybe I'll have a barbeque. If you do well at riddles I just might be kind and cook you quickly.  I'll start with numbers."  

"Seven times four? Be quick."  

"Twenty eight." Answered Danny. He remembered Hector buying all those toilet rolls.  

"Hmm too easy eh? How about nine fives?"  

Danny thought he knew the answer, but he had a quick count up the five times table to make sure. He didn't want to make a mistake. "Five, ten, fifteen twenty, twenty-five, thirty, thirty five, forty, forty-five..."  

"Forty-five."  

"Hmm. Bit slow.  How about four eights?"  

Danny froze. He hadn't done his eight times table. He'd no idea what four eights would be. He thought maybe if he did four fours twice it might work. Then he realised. Of course! Four eights is the same thing as eight four's, and he'd found that one out in the town. Claude was beginning to look impatient.  

"Four eight's are thirty two."  

"Very good. I think it's your turn to ask me now." Said the Dragon.

Danny had been so busy trying to answer questions that it hadn't occurred to him that he'd have to ask some. Claude was much better at tables than he was.  

"Come on. You have to ask me a riddle now, and if I get it right then its dinner time! " The dragon was getting impatient.

But the mention of dinner time made Danny remember the pub lunch and the figures he'd seen Hugo writing in his book.  

"If four knights drink four pint's of beer at a shilling a pint, and each eats three sandwiches at a shilling each, and their squire has a glass of lemonade costing a penny, and only one sandwich, how much does it cost altogether?  

The dragon looked confused. "Well I think that's a bit complicated. Bit unfair really. I can count treasure, but I'm not so sure when it comes to beer and sandwiches." He lay thinking for a while, blowing smoke rings from his nostrils as he did so. 

"All right. I give up. But you'd better know the answer yourself, and I want a full explanation of how you work it out." He looked fierce again.  

"Well, four knights have four pints of beer each at a shilling a pint. Four times four is sixteen. And three sandwiches at a shilling each, well three times four is twelve so that's sixteen plus twelve, plus one shilling and a penny for the squire's lunch. Which all adds up to twenty nine shillings and one penny."  

"It's the adding up that gets me, said Claude. I couldn't add up the sixteen and twelve."  

"Well you should have added up the four and the three first, then multiplied it." Said Danny. Four pints of beer, and three sandwiches, all costing a shilling each, is seven shillings each, and as there are four of them, it's seven times four which is twenty eight, then you just add on the extra bit for the squire's lunch." Danny had forgotten to be frightened; he felt rather pleased with himself.                                                

"I suppose that means you've won.” The Dragon suddenly looked tired. "Why is life so complicated? You'd better sit down while I explain a few things. Don't worry, I wasn't going to eat you anyway, it's just that being a dragon I have to be a bit fierce."  

"You see Danny, being a dragon isn't as easy as you might think: Like all dragons I steal gold and jewels and hoard them. I don't know why, its just part of being a dragon. Everyone hates us but that can't be helped.  

Now a little while ago I kidnapped the only daughter of King Snailbone, and sent a message saying that I would keep her here until he paid a huge ransom in gold and jewels.

You would think that would be a good way to get a pile of treasure wouldn't you?" Danny nodded.  

"Well King Snailbone simply sent a message back saying I could keep her as long as I liked and good riddance. I soon found out why. She is the most spoiled bossy little brat you ever saw in your life. I could just roast her of course, but it isn't the done thing, and anyway, I've become vegetarian of late. I got so fed up of roast sheep, all you can taste is burnt wool, and vegetarian food makes my scales so smooth and glossy." Claude spoke softly now, his voice like treacle, and he shook his wings to show off his scales. "The farmers actually like me now because I don't eat their animals and I keep the wolves away too. These days they even bring me food. Do help yourself by the way." Claude waved towards an enormous fruit bowl.  

At that moment a shrill voice welled up from somewhere at the back of the cave.  

"Claude you lazy worm what about my tea? I want buttered crumpets. AND I DON'T WANT THEM BURNT!"  

"Princess Eleanora has woken up at last. See what I mean?" Said Claude.  

"AND HURRY UP. I WANT THEM NOW! You're the most hopeless servant I've ever had." Stomping into the cave came the princess herself.

"Who are you staring at?" She glared at Danny. I hope you've come to rescue me. I want to go home. You'll need a bigger sword than that mind." She went over to the fruit bowl, helped herself to a banana and stomped back to wherever she came from.  

"Why don't you just take her back?" Asked Danny.                                

There's nothing I'd like more than to be rid of her believe me. But that's just what King Snailbone expects me to do. He's got a whole army of bowmen just waiting for me. I'd be killed for sure if I tried.

Anyway, can you imagine how foolish I'd look, capturing a princess, then taking her home again? I'd be a laughing stock!

No I'm afraid I'm stuck with her. Unless....." A slow smile, a very sly smile, spread across the dragon's face.  

"Unless, we can find a diplomatic solution. It is the done thing these days. Better than all that old fashioned stabbing and fighting. Not that that silly sword would get you very far." He cast a disparaging glance at Danny's sword.  

At that moment Princess Eleanora returned. "You horrid worm. I HATE YOU! I still haven't had a proper breakfast AND I WANT TO GO HOME!"  

"Well my little princess, we might be able arrange that, but you will have to co-operate."  And Claude, Danny, and the princess worked out a plan.

A short while later, Danny emerged from the cave with Princess Eleanora by his side. She was for once behaving like an elegant princess, and told the knights what a brave hero Danny had been, and how the dragon was now lying dead, and if the knights took her home straight away, daddy would give them a huge reward.  

"Well done young squire." Said Cuthbert. "Now that the dragon is dead we can take some treasure." He set off quickly towards the entrance, his ankle suddenly better.                                                  

"I wouldn't go in there." Said the princess. "It's terribly dangerous. The whole place is swarming with goblins. We would never have got out alive if Danny hadn't been so brave. He must have killed scores of them."  

"Oh quite, yes of course." Said Cuthbert, remembering his twisted ankle and limping away.  

Danny said nothing. It seemed as though everyone spent their lives telling fibs.  

"What about our wish?" Hector asked suddenly. "We should get a wish for rescuing you."  

"It was Danny who rescued me, so you don't get one." said Eleanora, who not being a fairy princess couldn't grant wishes anyway.                                                        

Danny had an idea. He'd been thinking about the wishes.  He remembered that each of the knights wanted a chest of treasure, but they all wanted a different sort.  

Why don't you use the three wishes to wish for three chests of assorted treasure, then divide it between you so everyone gets what they want?" Danny asked the knights.  

"If you add on the huge ransom my dad will give you, you'll have heaps of treasure." Added the princess, winking at Danny.  

"Why didn't I think of that?" Asked Sir Eloquence, his moustache bristling. "It would be best I think to wait until we return to our own land before executing the wishes. The weight of such treasures added to that which King Snailbone will surely bestow would be too great for our horses to carry."  

"Better be getting off then." Said Cuthbert. "What about you Danny?"   

"Oh I've got to see to a few goblins first, might see you later." And with a wave of his sword Danny strode back into the cave.  

"King Snailbone will be furious when that lot turn up with Eleanora." Claude chuckled. "He'll have them driven out of his kingdom. And now he thinks I'm dead, he'll send his armies somewhere else, and while they're away, I might just sneak down one night and help myself to a bit of his treasure." Claude grinned. Dragon grins can look quite scary with all those teeth, and for a moment Danny felt a bit frightened, but then Claude went on. "You see Danny, fighting is never the best way to resolve problems. There's always a better way in the end. Oh look, you've still got your sword. I don't think you'll be needing that anymore. Might as well leave it for me to look after. Let's have tea. Then I'll run you back home. I could do with an excuse to stretch my wings."  

Danny didn't realise that the sly old dragon had noticed that the dagger was an extremely valuable antique. If Kethyn had cleaned it properly Danny would have seen the jewel encrusted gold handle, but he wouldn't have minded Claude having it anyway.  

A short while later they were high in the air with Danny clinging onto Claude's back.

"It's a long way to your world." Said the dragon. "I hope you're comfortable. This may take a few days."  

Danny had difficulty hearing Claude above the sound of the wind and the flapping of his wings. "We'll go faster if we say tables." He shouted.  

"Really?" Said the Dragon in surprise. "I've lived in Numberland for over three hundred years and I never knew that. Which one shall we say?"  

"How about four times?" Said Danny. They sang them together.  

"Two four's are eight three fours are twelve, four four's are sixteen, and five four's are twenty." The wind was really rushing past them now. "Six fours are twenty four, seven four's are twenty eight, eight four's are thirty two" They were flying at such a terrific speed that Danny had to hang on with all his strength. "Nine fours are thirty six, and ten four's are forty."

They began to slow down, and were soon above Danny's grandfathers garden.  "I won't stay if you don't mind." Said Claude. "It can be a bit awkward when people see a dragon in the garden."  

"Er quite." Danny replied. "Don't want to upset the neighbors.

Goodbye Claude, and thanks for the lift."  

Danny knew that when he was in Numberland time was different, so he probably hadn't been missed, but you could never be certain.

Granddad was just waking up when he went back into the house.  

"Hello Danny, gosh that was quite a snooze I just had. Did you have a good time in the garden?"  

"Fine, yes thanks." Danny replied. 

"I suppose this time you'll tell me you've been off having adventures with knights on horseback, and rescuing princesses from a wicked dragon?"                                 

"Something like that. Only he was quite a nice dragon."  

"What an imagination you have!  Time for tea I think."  

Granddad left the room shaking his head, "That boy." He muttered. "Whatever will he think of next?"  

   

THE END  

Copyright M. Rawlinson 1999

 All Rights Reserved